that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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