I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
