Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
please come you make the beer taste better
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
