what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
