it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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