I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
