If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
