He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
