I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
please don't ironically join a cult
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