I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
