I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
