he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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