Do you still have your period?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
