Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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