I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
