someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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