apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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