dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
