I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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