If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
