I'm jealous of your bromance
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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