Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i love accidental penises.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
