I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
