He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
