it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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