You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize