I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
