I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize