I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
