my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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