I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
