my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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