This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
