you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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