Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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