Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
