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Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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