when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
