I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
