my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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