Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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