his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
