Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
