i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
