I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
jump out the window naked night went bad
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
