sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
