You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
