i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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