My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
