just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
