I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
