There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
