Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize