apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
