I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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