i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
