You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
