Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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