Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
