At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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