Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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