I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
