Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
