WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
