Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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