by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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