I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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