how can u be prego again
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
