mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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