i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
