Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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