I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
