is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
two words...techno handjob
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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