goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
