I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Did I show you my penis last night?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize