when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
