ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
