I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
