her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
