Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
